hmmm....

So, I am pretty proud of myself for this week. I take things on a day to day basis,because making plans is usually ruined by my rebellious asshat attitude. So, no plans, just taking it day by day.

And this week, today is 4 days strong on serious restriction. I had a small jazz apple for breakfast, followed by water and a bronkaid tablet and iced homemade coffee all day!

So, i have this idea in my head, that if i get thru this whole week (including le weekend) with restricting, I start my exercise routine monday of next week. I believe I can get thru this week!

I mean whats a few months of my life, I have done this before, and been quite successful. The biggest different now is no meth, and I wont be going back to her. She is Cray!

I have always had trouble in the past with losing friends, and I fear the day that my overweight friends leave me behind because I got thinner.

I actually have one friend, she wears the same size as me, and she is always hating on skinny women. I cant tell her the truth about herself, that she hates on skinny women because she wishes she was skinny instead of fat. Maybe one day she will realize it on her own. I fear that she will leave me be when I get thinner.

I have not bought a scale yet, the truth is im terrified to repeat past mistakes. The number on the scale (in the past) determined if i binged or not. If it was smaller, I kept going, if it was the same or a little greater i would binge (and sometimes purge). I really don't want to start b/p again, its addicting. I would rather restrict and keep my mouth fucking closed.

I have been looking at before and after photos, and it is so thinspiring. It keeps me motivated. I want to become an after, and I shall! I believe I can succeed at this.

OMG! So many people actually have ed's and they may not realize it. One of my FB friends recently told me she went back to restricting to 500 cals per day. It made me feel some type of way, and i said "i will never restrict my body like that ever again"; yet here I be, only eating under 300 cals per day, sometimes only 100 cals.

I dont really know what transpired inside of me. oh yea, food got boring! NVM!

ok enough for today i feel